i thinK i'm givinG up

4/30/08
wArninG: whAt I'm sayinG now iS whAt i'm fEeLin riGht at thiS momEnt..


i waNt to givE up.. ayoko nA, maxado nA aKonG nasa2kTan sA mgA ginAwgAwa niyA... hE's mAkinG fun oF mE, so muCh aNd it'S huRtinG mE biGtimE..

hE cAn't evEn rEspeCt mE, hoW couLd he LovE mE thEn?? suCh An iDioT,. i'vE mAde seVerAl artiCLes abouT him.. suCh a wAstE of timE, i couLd hAve reviewEd mY hAndouTs anD impRovEd my gRadEs fOr thE Last 2 semEsters.. buT stupiD mE, i wAstEd my timE imAgininG, dAydrEaminG abouT him.! hopinG, wAitinG!..

i tRiEd chANginG.. if hE onLy knEW who i Was bEfoRE hE mEt me.. hE couLd hAve cuRsed mE to deATh.. whAt thE hEck!

iF you peOpLe onLy knEW whAt iT feELs LikE to finALLy hAve thE stRength to chAnge anD frEe youRseLf fRom sAdnEss.. iT feELs gReAt!.. iT feELs so aLivE.. iT feeLs so LighT!.. thEn a stRangER waLks inTo youR LiFe anD mAkes you fALL in Love foR him.. mAke you beLieve thAt you couLd actuALLy bE LovED!.. beForE you knEw it, hE's puShinG you bAck to whEre you wEre bEfoRe,.. aNd i don'T wAnna go bAck!.. i don'T wannA go bACk!., buT oftEntimEs, i wouLd finD mySELf actinG thE way i wAs bAck thEn.. i'd finD mySeLf in thE pLAce whEre i'vE beeN foR suCh a LonG timE.. i'd finD mySeLf wanTinG so muCh moRE.. i'd finD mySeLf so inSecuRe of othER peopLe.. i'd finD mySeLf so pessimiStic.. i finD mySeLf so LonELy.. i'D finD mysELf crYinG!.. i'd finD my oLd seLf.. why cAn't i go aWay!.??