i feel so jealous!! i am really jealous coz i feel like an outcast!. im totally jealous! and i'm freakin out!!

whew!. what the hell is wrong with me?? can anyone please answer me? yes, maybe i look cool all the time, and you may think that everything's just going fine but you know what? i'll tell you.. deep inside this sweet, innocent and 'at-peace' smile of mine, is a desperate girl who's about to commit suicide!. (or, okay not actually suicide) but THIS, is really freaking me out!

just a month ago, after the result of the board came out, and i have nothing to do but to eat and chill out and watch television at home, i came to realize that i should be alarmed because i still havent found that MAN.. or shall i say, STILL haven't found ANY man.. but you know, being as reasonable as i can be, i try to calm down for i knew there are still some that i know whom havent found their man too.. just a few, i may add.. (despite the fact that some of my friends can have their MEN all at the same time..) but okay, there are still some, so i still don't feel like i'm left behind!.

so now, you probably know what happened why i'm effin freakin out right now!.. they all found theirs!! and i don't have one.. it's so f****n FAIR, isn't it??no matter how hard i try to convince myself that someone worthy will come, i can't get it out of my head!. i don't wanna be like my aunt! who grew old hating life and people and everything except my brother and loving her other siblings except my father!. come on!. i grow up trying to avoid her ways in order for me not to end up like her.. but seeing how things are turning up, im so damn worried that i may really end up like her!.. OH NO WAY!!

i'm hyperventilating and my stomach seems to contract so fast!. i'm totally anxious.. im off for a training a week from now and that would be it.. i still haven't found any prospect!.. Oh my Good Lord, please help me.. i can't help but worry.. you would probably tell me that i shouldn't be but you may understand.. i can't help it.! i probably can't sleep better tonight.. =((