i said terrible things about him, a called him names and badmouthed him.. when i met him this afternoon, i had a chance to talk to him and we chatted like the old us.. childish, crazy and brutal.. we talked just the way we talk, no hesitations.. i just wonder how he does that, i've liked so many people in my life already but he's the only guy whom i can talk to with such a little effort and felt like i had the lightest conversation ever..
he knew that i'm liking somebody else.. he told me he had noticed it even before we separated ways.. he was smiling.. i don't know if it was just me but i felt like there was something bitter in his voice when he told me that.. when our instructor came, i have to go to our room but he grabbed my hand and i just felt like it wasn't just a grab as grab that he used to do to me before.. i felt like he meant it already.. i could feel his lonely heart when he talked to me.. i could feel sparkles in his eyes when we tried to remember our crazy "fights." i could feel him, not as the person who always teases me and make fun of me.. i could feel his sincerity in everything he said this time.. i could feel all his touches, the way he grabs my hand, the way he slaps my thigh, the way he pinches my arms.. i could feel like all of those things meant something to him.. that he misses me, just the way i'm missing him so much.. if he only knew what i really feel.. was it just me? was it actually him, or were those just my feelings?
oh, how i miss him...
