you were this and i was that but i became like this just becasue you were that.. i thought it was cool but actually it was stupid..

you know what i've just realized now?? thAt i'm such a mothAfuCkin sTupiD asshoLe.. dAymm.. i cAnt bELievE i did those aLL shiTs foR you.. owkei to some people it may seem like its nonsense that i may be ovEractinG oR exagerratinG, whatever the hell they may call it but Daimmn, i was stupiD.. i was onCe this person wHo hAd heR prinCipLEs irrEversibLe,. a happy-go-lucky giRL who hAd gainEd respEct frOm pEopLe who Are known foR theiR wits anD inteLLigence.. Lets sAy i bELonG to a woRLd fuLL of iDeas anD knowLedgE.. i couLd minGLe with these smArt peopLe..

then i havE to mEet peopLe Like you,.. you'Re dumb.. i mEan not too dumb thouGh but you'Re onLy a piEce of shit in mY woRLd.. buT i trEated you noT LikE whAt you'Re suppoSed to bE.. i pRetended to bE somEboDy bELonGinG to youR society,. juSt bEcause i'm LivinG with you pEopLe.. i hAve to DeaL with you just so i couLd suRviVe,. iT's whEre i have to bE noT unTiL my gRaduAtion dAy.. and i fuLLy undERstand that i have to bLend with other peopLe who arEn't LikE mE.. who aRen't LikE the peopLe i usEd to mingle and lived with for all my life.. and i accepTed that chAllengE with all my hEaRt.. i evEn Loved you pEopLe and i enjoyEd youR compAny.. buT why am i feELinG this way now.?

did i loved you too much that i nEver reALized i bEcAme somEbody whom i never imagineD noR dreAmt mySeLf to bE Like?? i Said soRry to you whEn you WeRe oveRreActionG on somE stupiD thinGs abouT LiFe.. i mEan, i said sorry to you becasue you said i was insensitive to your sensitivity?! you were focusing much on what the hell your parents taught you about perfection! damn it.. you wanted a perfect perSon! weLL then you nEed a doLL dArLinG noT a humAn.. shit.. you think much of the viRtuEs and goodness, mY God i unDerstand that we shouLd be good at aLl timEs.. but good peopLe arEn't onLy thE onEs who go to chuRch every sunday, say 'po' and 'opo' to eLders, people who don't badmouth other people, who doesn't masturbate, who doesn't chEat.. i teLL you goodness and perFection are diffeRent.! and that is the heLL you don't understand because you think people are like you.. when you don't smoke, you think people are bad becasue they do.. when you don't say fuckin baD words, you think people are 'SomekindA' baD becasue they do.. you're too shallow not to realize individual differences amonG peopLe.. peopLe have reAsons, that they weren't raised the way you were raised by your parents.. try to understand that!..

another thinG, you have the nerve to tell me what to do?? it's who i am and you're trying to change me.! hEck, i'm not a chiLd.. i act like onE but i have my minD.. in case you haven't noticEd i'm a humAn bEinG.. not a toy.. you call mE nAMes like you know me more than i know myself.. you have only known me for a year and that's nothing.. we nevr even had any serious conversations foR God sake.. those communications were all fuckin 'jokEs' you can't even differentiate which are lies and which are not.. so why do you judge me like you do? you think you know me that muCh.? when i can only count the facts you know about me with my fingERs., what do you know about me that i noR mY fRiEnds doesn't know?

And daimm, you're Criticizing me.. well, its finE with me if you do.. but can't you put some intellect on your criticisms?? those are destructive criticisms, they are mEan, ruDe.. i never learned anythinG, noT a sinGLe lesson from iT.. so stop that fuckin judgements when you don't even have any idea on what is beautiful and what is not.. you came from the world of ugliness, you came from hell and you have the nERve to try to manipulate mE like im some kind of a parasite in this fuckin worLd??? who the hECk you thinK you arE!..???

ican't beLieve you're doinG this to mE.! i hate this feeLinG!. it's fine with me if you were bRad piTt or johnny depp, but you're not!.. so stop acting like onE!, what the heck!! i've treated you like a human being even though you look like a bull,. i left my nature as a critic of evrythinG just so i could live up to your level.. i adjusted too much and i'm not happy anymore.. knowinG i never gained any respect from these kinds of people.. from you.. i was tryinG to approach you, yet you seem to think much of yourself.. i was trying to understand but you're pushing me away like i'm a bacteria.. i was trying to lift myself up from embarrassments you're giving me everytime you're with me.. i was trying to keep myself intact when you call me names and make it sound like a joke but turns out everybody ends up laughing at me.. i'm always trying to pick up my confidence of which i built for years when i'm with you.. i was trying to understand.. i respected you, but you never seemed to noticed!.. i was full of pride then but i decided to lessen it, halved it even, just so you won't think i that i'm insensitive.. so that you won't think that people like me are mean.. so you could realize we are human beinGs and not pigs nor wolves like what other people who never seemed to care about us (just like you) thinks of.. i tried to be nice, i tried to be good just the way people who knew me never thought i could be.. you did nothinG.. you still stood up to your belief.. to what you think as to what they think of us.. of me.. just when i gave you the benefit of the doubt that maybe you're not like them at some reason, you proved me otherwise.. you only have different approach but you're just like them.. :( now, it seems like it came to an end,. i nevr thought i could lose patience.. i never thought i could grow tired of trying.. i never thought i could do all this things.. i never thought i could like somebody like you or worse love you.. i never thought that we should be separated first before i realize all these things.. before i could come back and waken up my senses.. i thought i was being true to myself and to the people around me, only to find out i was actually fetching for your compliments.. of which i failed., now i know, you Are different, just what i thought of you before i met you and just what you're proving me right now..

i thought this is it, i thought it's a fairytale.. but sadly turns out to be a nightmare.. i should wake up soon.. i have to, coz i only have 2 choices.. either i have to live or die.. and i chose to live..