that person should definitely be me, i must say. but right now i'm refering to someone else. my mom.
how predictable.
i seldom really talked about her in this blog, to my friends, nor to anyone else. and i f i do, a phrase like "she's okay" would be good and long enough. One, because, i'm obviously subbornly a daddy's girl. Two, i don't have much memories with her growing up (coz i would always choose to be with papa over her). Three, we weren't really close. Four, there weren't so much things to talk about her. Five, talking about her brings me a sense of pain and unannounced regret.
i remember her working at an office while i was young but she quitted later on for reasons i never found the courage to ask. She quitted her life to be a full time housewife and a mother of two kids. but since she got sick, she can't do any of it anymore. Now, she's a woman with insecurities.
i can no longer expound any further, as i 've said, there's not much to talk about. she's timid like me. and that humbleness seemed to be annoying at times. she stays quiet even if she's hurt. remains silent even when wrongly judged and never retaliates even when mistreated. she just cries helplessly behind. i tell you, its very annoying. and stupid. i never understood her. how can someone stay calm even when she knows she's drowning? Until i learned how to swim.
thinking of her makes my heart flutter for i couldn't bring myself to think that i once took her for granted. that i was once her burden and reason of her troubles. i feel guilty that once i was a reason of her tears. and its way too painful realizing that she may had the other way. and i could have missed how beautiful of a woman she is.
she's not a doctor, nor a lawyer. not a bussinesswoman nor a teacher. she's my mom. maybe she's not the kind of a woman you'll be proud of but she's the kind of a mother you'll never resist to love.
she's not the woman of the world but she's the woman i love the most.
