I used to love this place. I used
to adore living here. Back when I was young, I equate this place to happiness.
It’s a perfect place. A happy playground with lots of kids I get to play along
with. With grandparents, uncles and aunties cheering me up and flattering me
with toys and compliments. I couldn’t ask for more. Whenever I go back home I
always wonder why I can’t stay any longer. And be happier.
I grew up and still feel the same
way. In fact, after my operation I chose to stay here. And further use my
recovery as an excuse to stay a little bit longer.
When I was away, I often think of
this place. The place where my parents live. Where my cousins live. Where
family could be found. Where happiness lies.
It still is though.. happy.. Knowing
that my parents are here, I’m happy. But thinking that they live here, makes me
a little sad. Thinking that the people I love lives here makes my heart upset.
Coz this place grew to be shallow. I thought this is where family lies but I
was wrong. I found out that selfishness, pride, ignorance and mediocrity are
buried into the soil of their land. That a dream of someone is a nightmare of
somebody else. And vice versa. It’s never a family here. It’s a competition.
That explains why the way of living here is still substandard. Coz people don’t
wanna move on.
I don’t know if it’s just me not
being contented of what I have, searching for something I couldn’t find that I
begin to see this place a little too different from what I used to believe in. Eventually,
in as much as I don’t want to, I grew tired of it. I’ve found a different side
of it and also found an urge to move out. You know the feeling when you wanted
to keep an image of something then comes to a point when you could clearly see
the picture and it wasn’t at all similar to the image you have in mind through
the time? Disappointing.
But you see, I don’t want to
entirely shut the perfect vision of this place from my mind. I don’t wanna see
it as entirely negative one. Maybe it’s a solution to move out.
Coz even if
it’s only an illusion, I’d still want to see it as a perfect place. Anyway, it’s
still the one thing I think of whenever I hear of the word HOME..
