20, 15, 10, 1, or half a year ago, our relationship was a little bit boring. just plain stable when its unstable. we used to play games, quarrel about it then ends up playing the same game again.. when little girls need to have a buddy in order to play bahay-bahayan more realistically, you were my buddy.. when girls needed to have a buddy to tell something about their crushes on and kilig encounters, you were that buddy to me..
you were my buddy when we talk about our parents, what we like and we don't like about them. and how a monster transforms when they scold us.. you were my buddy when we started talking about our first real crush, first love. YOU, talking about your first kiss and.. your first encounter.. haha.. remember how we used to hate our girl neighbors? janet and emy? and the fact that we never even tried to befriend them even if they actually did nothing wrong to any of us.. how we used to dream about the future? about our prince charming? The life we dream of having..
we were not inseperable, but were actually there for each other.. see the irony? and i only began realizing this just now? we weren't sisters, but we are.. it wasn't a must to take care of each other, but we did..
never did i thought i would be writing this sort of thing to you.. coz i was used to having you just there.. JUST THERE.. just there when i need you.. just there when i don't.. just there when i want to talk? just there when i want to be alone..
maybe, some family issues tore us apart. but even i, doesn't have any idea why i always come running back to you in the end.. when i wanted to choose the ones close to me and my family, breaking the bond between us, i still found myself retreating and ends up healing that bond..
i cant name all the worst and happy memories i had with you.. all i know is that you, after all that happened, the heartaches, the issues, you were my first bestfriend..
now, tears suddenly fall from my eyes remembering the things and memories we once used to share.. the times when i felt okay even if i wasn't because you were there.. the times when you would rather stay at my place even if your mom/dad wants you to stay at your home.. when i was confined at the hospital, and you were sleeping beside me and was mistaken to be the patient.. how you always scold me when you see me drinking soda.. and even now, as is see you sitting there with the man you have married, and i carry towards you your wedding gifts, you still manage to make scolding-face at me for having a plastic bag of soda on my other hand..
honestly, when i heard the mayor saying "i now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. BLANK".. i got the chills, i got the fear, i got scared, i got lonesome, i felt alone.. because you, being Mrs. BLANK, means that you need to have your family as your priority.. that even if i wanted to chat with you and bond with you, there would be times when i should't and i couldn't anymore.. it means, you will not always be Just There.. just there when i need you.. like the old times.. it means, i have to grow up and fix myself.. look after myself , even if i couldn't, i should.. coz i can't drag you in it anymore.. someone else's owns my first bestfriend.. but i love you, so i decided to be happy for you.. because now, you have found a reason to live.. i should live on in as much as you do.. you're a sister to me more than a cousin,, even sisters don't own each other..
i still have too many things to say, but i can't go on.. for now.. i'm getting too emotional.. someday i'll find time to finish this letter..
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