i don't know if it wAs my fauLt when i Let thEm upset me.. whEn i just Let them do and taLk cRazy stuffs about me that even though i'm beinG embarrassed aLready, i stiLL acted finE just beCause i don't wAnt any troubLe to happen.. i just don't wAnted to hAve theSE drAmatic confrOntationS exchAnginG apoLogiEs after a stupid fiGht of childishness.. i was just avoiding seRious conversaTions pOinting ouT strengths sLAsh weAknesses of peopLe.. i'm reaLLy noT a fan of that stuff thAt's why i just remain siLent OR throW thEm bAck Lines whiCh wouLd rather make the situation funny instead of discriminating.. i oftEn teLL thEm i unDerstAnd becauSe i reaLLy do.. some peopLe are just Like thAt.. they do crazy and stupid thinGs out of simpLe oneS.. they are just making fun ouT of thE boRinG woRLd they're Living in.. i, myseLf aLso benefits from it.. mAking my duLL woRld coLorful on thaT pArticuLAr momEnt.. thAt's why i'm no aginSt thieir natuRe..
it's just kindA difficuLt to understand now becAuse they have been usEd to discriminate me evEn in fRont of stRangers whOm i'm stiLL eaRning foR respect.. and it's heartbreaking whEn thEy aLready hAd the imprEssion of mE beinG the thinGs these peopLe say even bEfore i stArt opEninG my mouTh to sAy a woRd and pRove thEm othErwise.. woRse, i evEn doubted mysELf too muCh thAt it's beginning to cruSh my seLf-respect that i hAd buiLt and eArned foR my entiRe Life,
wAs it my fauLt to unDerstAnd thEm and Let thEm cross through tHe bounDarieS.? wAs it my fauLt whEn i readiLy foRgive thEm even beFore the offense hits their consciousness? is it too Late now tO LEt thEm reaLize hoW bAd thEy've been huRting mE.. hoW baD he's been huRting mE?
i decided not to taLk to you to avOid hurts that you've been doing to me repeatedLy.. it's just sad that out of the 5 times you said sorry to mE foR the embarrassments (and heartaches probabLy) you've caused, you've repeated the same mistaKes moRe than 7 times., makes me think twice whether your apologies were actually sincere or not., of aLL the thinGs you've said and donE, how much of it wAs true? how can i say those were tRue?.
i just waNt you to knoW, that the onLy biggest Lie i've done wAs whEn i tRied to conceAL my feeLings for you and pretenDed thAt i don't caRe much oF you.. though if you onLy Look deeper into how i acted generally, i faiLed.. thERe were theSe timeS whEn i aLmost admitted it aLready not through woRds but through my actionS.. i can definiteLy say i've done my pArt aLready,. i've showed you more thAn what i expect i couLd actually show..
about you? you remain to be vague.. too stupid of me i considered those insults of you as your way of getting my attention.. you've got my attention aLready, now what? what a dumbass i actually was, i sugarcoated those offensive statements you've told me making myself believe it could lead into something better.. it had been past 1 and a half year and things remained the same.,. got even worse.. i just gave you the right and privilege to hurt me more and more.. you've showed me the sweetest gestures that i could ever felt in the entire world,. the first time i ever feLt comfortable, the very first time i felt crazy.. the very first time i ever felt excited waking up in the morning and preparing myself to school treating every subject as a witness of our blooming relationship.. the very first time i admitted i'm madly in love.. the very first time i ever felt that way.. and now, it's the very first time i hoped for so much.. i thought it couLD happen.. i mean, for the past few crushes i had i knew they were like "suntok sa buwan" becuase they were like prince charmings and i was just this mere CindereLLa.. it was kinda easy for me to let go because at the first pLAce i knew it was impossible.. but you, you were Like within my reAch.. they made me feeL small but you made me regard myseLf untouchable.. you were not like them but you had hit me the greatest impact..
funny thing is that i fooled myself too much.. i thought you were true.. were there momEnts when you have been true to me? no doubt though, you're actually an actor foR God sake.!
weLL maybe, it'S time foR me to gRow.. i'd rather cut the connection between us.. coz i feeL Like the worLd is so small for the both of us.. i knew peopLe who are actuaLLy connected to you.. and i feeL like the more i stay the more id be suffocated.. id rather cut them off before i found myseLf helpless from these tAngLes..
if i reaLLy matter to you, if you reALLy care, it won't be difficult for you to reALize my SEntimEnts.. it's aLL up to you nOw..
No comments:
Post a Comment