remember on how i used to write about the things we once used to love suddenly disappears.
i'm ashamed of myself for having these thoughts. but i guess i never really understood anything before. i always act like the brave one. that everythings gonna be fine and theres a light after all of these. that better things comes to those who doesn't quit. Now i wonder if all of those were all bullshit! i'd stay out comforting friends and goes home alone and suicidal at thought.
coz, honestly, nothings going fine! everything is sad anyway or anyhow i look at it. just felt like i've been enduring for so long. Let me get tired thinking that everythings gonna be fine. let me get tired pretending i will be fine. let me get tired believing i could be happy. i wanna rest a bit. and times like this come and i'd wish it would be forever.
why did i live for the second time? why did i even opened my eyes after the operation? maybe Dr. anesthesiologist could have overdosed me. or Dr. surgeon accidentally cut the wrong artery. am i fooling myself believing that there's even a reason? i have a friend diagnosed with colon cancer. how can it not be me? (yes, i'm being selfish. but let me not care for once)
it never felt like these before. they say ending one's life is the lamest thing to do.. damn you people! who are you to say that???
i'm tired of reminding myself that everyone has their own problems and that i don't own up every trouble in the world. yes, i don't. but why does it seemed to be so difficult now? why does it seemed like everyone has abandoned me. why does it seemed that i'm not needed a bit. if i leave now, who would cry? who would get hurt? maybe my family and some friends would. but eventually, they'll recover. and forget.
i'm jealous of the people who can say anything they want when they want it. curse people and get away with it because they were drunk.what a stupid life. i've been drunk but i never lost control! why? coz i'm afraid nobody would stay if i would. coz i don't trust anyone that they would stay. maybe i was right all along.. nobody really stayed!
lucky enough for me that my parents survived after their accident more than a decade ago. coz if i had lost them that time, i honestly think i wouldn't be here now.
i once quitted life. this is actually my second hopeless letter. nobody knew about it. and again. this time. nobody would notice.
i'm ashamed of myself for having these thoughts. but i guess i never really understood anything before. i always act like the brave one. that everythings gonna be fine and theres a light after all of these. that better things comes to those who doesn't quit. Now i wonder if all of those were all bullshit! i'd stay out comforting friends and goes home alone and suicidal at thought.
coz, honestly, nothings going fine! everything is sad anyway or anyhow i look at it. just felt like i've been enduring for so long. Let me get tired thinking that everythings gonna be fine. let me get tired pretending i will be fine. let me get tired believing i could be happy. i wanna rest a bit. and times like this come and i'd wish it would be forever.
why did i live for the second time? why did i even opened my eyes after the operation? maybe Dr. anesthesiologist could have overdosed me. or Dr. surgeon accidentally cut the wrong artery. am i fooling myself believing that there's even a reason? i have a friend diagnosed with colon cancer. how can it not be me? (yes, i'm being selfish. but let me not care for once)
it never felt like these before. they say ending one's life is the lamest thing to do.. damn you people! who are you to say that???
i'm tired of reminding myself that everyone has their own problems and that i don't own up every trouble in the world. yes, i don't. but why does it seemed to be so difficult now? why does it seemed like everyone has abandoned me. why does it seemed that i'm not needed a bit. if i leave now, who would cry? who would get hurt? maybe my family and some friends would. but eventually, they'll recover. and forget.
i'm jealous of the people who can say anything they want when they want it. curse people and get away with it because they were drunk.what a stupid life. i've been drunk but i never lost control! why? coz i'm afraid nobody would stay if i would. coz i don't trust anyone that they would stay. maybe i was right all along.. nobody really stayed!
lucky enough for me that my parents survived after their accident more than a decade ago. coz if i had lost them that time, i honestly think i wouldn't be here now.
i once quitted life. this is actually my second hopeless letter. nobody knew about it. and again. this time. nobody would notice.
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