Someday

I don’t know how I should start this one. I feel like I shouldn’t be posting this for I regretted the last time I posted a not so good article about her. I was guilty for it seemed I made her look like the villain in my not-even-close-to-perfect life story when I knew parts of it were my mistakes too. It takes two to tango, right?

This happened during the Halloween. I was supposed to be hosting a dinner for my friends. We kind of regularly meet each other and the venue’s always been the house for numerous reasons only my friends could ever think of. Anyways, I really didn’t want to. I begged them hard, made stupid excuses in order for the dinner not to be held at my place. When it seemed like I couldn’t convince them, I finally asked my dad’s permission. And he agreed. When I got home, I also informed her about the dinner. She didn’t said anything so I took that as a yes. Later in the afternoon, when were about to start cooking, she had gone up all wild acting so different. I would have remained silent the way I always do when she goes too far and unbearable. And for the whole years I lived with her, this wasn’t rare. And I don’t usually say ‘hey, my aunt and I had a fight again’ or ‘hey, my aunt just nagged me again’. Not to anyone, not  to my friends nor to my parents. Coz if I did, I would just bore them every day. But that time, my friends were the ones who came up to me and told me they’re afraid of her because she’s acting rude.

So at that moment I realized she really had gone too far. But what can I do?  It’s as if I can tell it straight to her. In her eyes, she’s always right.

Am I really that difficult to love or care about? After the operation, I  thought things are gonna change. I pledged to straighten every relationship I have. Let go of the ones I don’t and can’t have and be grateful and give importance to the ones left. As to her, I wanted to make up for the wasted times and replace the not so good memories with good ones. After all, we’re family. Well, at least she is to me.

That makes me wonder whether things would ever be fixed between us. If ever time will come when she’ll realize that maybe at some point, I had been right also. I know I did some terrible things during my younger days. Maybe it’s the price I have to pay. And I’m not fully paid yet.